Honolulu, HI

Several months ago, I had the opportunity to attend a domestic violence seminar at a local church on the Windward side (Kaneohe). The guest speaker, Reverend Al Miles, had just released a book that talked about this issue. There was so much that I got out of that seminar, but with this first piece, I wanted to talk how it all begins.

The statistics:
- 85 – 90% of victims are women
- Over 90% of perpetrators are male
- 3-4% are women perpetrators abusing men

Most people don’t know that they are in a domestic violence situation until it’s too late. In fact, at the onset of the relationship, the spouse / partner is not a likely candidate for being a domestic violence abuser. We can’t even imagine that a situation like this is even possible.

One of the things that Reverend Miles talked about was that women were preyed upon using tenderness and nurturing. He called it a “tactic” with the objective being to alienate the woman from her friends and family.

The next step in the process included the onset of dictatorship. The male spouse would dictate things like clothing, where the woman went, who she hung around with. This eventually led to alienation and isolation from even the closest of friends. The husband might say things like, “I’m not comfortable with you being so close to your best friend.” He might even say, “Your parents just don’t understand us.” Emotions involved in these discussions often include jealousy, a sense of a controlling hold, and possessiveness.

If any of these situations seem remotely close to your situation, get help now. While this doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in a domestic violence situation, it might signify that more information is needed. Find out more about domestic violence in Hawaii at the Hawaii State Coalition against Domestic Violence.

There’s more to domestic violence that what we describe here. Throughout the month, we’ll talk about some of the issues, behaviors and thought patterns regarding domestic violence.

Here are some other 451 Press blogs also talking about domestic violence.

www.herdailynews.com
www.about-sanjoseca.com
www.homecomputertalk.com
www.earthlygarden.com
www.watchingbionicwoman.com
www.watchingbsg.com
www.limitededitionfoods.com
www1PStart.com
www.astrologyexplored.com
www.about-honoluluhi.com
www.parentingandreligion.com
www.maritaltalk.com

domestic violence, domestic violence in Hawaii, Hawaii State Coalition, Hawaii State Coalition against Domestic Violence, Reverend Al Miles